I am a 38 year old desi woman going through a divorce. I was born in Pakistan and my family moved to Saudi Arabia when I was five. I have lived in Saudi Arabia, UK and USA over the years and have been labeled an ABCD by desis, a desi aunty by the ABCD’s, British by the Americans and American by the British! Over 14 years of marriage, we had 4 kids and many ups and downs. Granted, there were more downs than ups, but who was counting?
I am on a journey of self-discovery, so I can’t say where I stand as far as my own cultural and religious beliefs are concerned. I welcome you to take a peek into my world as I discover who I am and what I stand for. Be prepared for a bumpy ride.
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|Javed vs. Shamoon|
|Blogs - Diary Of A Desi Single Mom|
|By Desi Single Mom|
While my husband and I were still together, I had a conversation with him about Javed and Shamoon.
We knew them both socially. Javed and his wife were a part of our “inner circle” of friends; yet the men in our group disliked Shamoon. We liked his wife, but had been instructed by our husbands to keep our socializing with her limited to lunches and events without the men as much as possible.
Not understanding the reason behind this, I asked my husband why he disliked Shamoon.
When he replied, “Because he drinks,” I was very surprised.
I pointed out that Shamoon drinks socially, whereas Javed drinks every Friday evening and sleeps with women he picks up at bars, but all the men seem to like him.
My husband replied, “Shamoon keeps alcohol in his house, and drinks in front of his children. What is his son learning? Javed does what he does outside the house. His son doesn’t see all this.”
I wanted to scream! If this is not hypocrisy, then I don’t know what is!
Shamoon is a social drinker, who believes it is okay to drink as long as you don’t get drunk. He brings alcohol to his house and drinks it in front of his wife and child. He is teaching his son these values.
Javed is a habitual drinker and womanizer. He goes out every week and drinks at a bar until he is drunk and goes home with some random woman. His wife probably knows this, but turns a blind eye to this and tells her child that dad is on call at the hospital every Friday night. His son will probably grow up to learn the truth and accept these values as his own.
I have a problem with a society where people shun Shamoon for his honesty and befriend Javed for his cheating.
Our religion tells us alcohol is bad. What does that same religion, along with practically every religion and anyone teaching moral values say about:
In this scenario, Shamoon drinks. Javed drinks, commits adultery and is a hypocrite. My husband is a hypocrite, who thinks he is better that Shamoon and thinks Shamoon will go to hell.
At the risk of judging people , I think the Shamoons are saints compared to the Javeds of the world. As for my husband… well, his middle name is Lucifer.