I am a 38 year old desi woman going through a divorce. We live in a so-called educated and progressive part of the desi community in Florida. Although I have tried to keep myself molded in the shell that has been expected of me in this society, I have found my inner self trying to break free on many occasions. Filing for divorce was a decisive moment – the community reacted negatively and I decided that I didn’t want to follow their lead anymore.

I was born in Pakistan and my family moved to Saudi Arabia when I was five. I have lived in Saudi Arabia, UK and USA over the years and have been labeled an ABCD by desis, a desi aunty by the ABCD’s, British by the Americans and American by the Britishers. The Saudis tend to change their opinion of me when they see my passport

I was married when my ex mother-in-law decided that I was the “perfect match” for her perfect son. He was a 29 year old physician in the US. I convinced myself that he was the one I was destined to be with and so we married when I was just 22.

Over 14 years of marriage, we had 4 kids and many ups and downs. Granted, there were more downs than ups, but who was counting? It wasn’t all regrets and hell, because I did walk away with 4 of the most beautiful gifts God has given me and I couldn’t imagine my life without them.

It has now been 18 months since I filed for divorce, and we are still battling it out in court. When I say this has been all out war, I’m not exaggerating. He and his friends have literally declared war on me and my entire family.

My family is more on the conservative, religious side and I have more or less complied with what I have been taught all my life. Even though some issues were like thorns in my personal beliefs but I never had the guts to vocalize them. For instance, I find it hard to believe that my God would punish people just because they had a different faith even though they helped humanity. I believe, if anyone needs to be punished, it should be the people who are hurting God’s creation – people, animals or anything for that matter.

I am on a journey of self-discovery, so I can’t say where I stand as far as my own cultural and religious beliefs are concerned. I welcome you to take a peek into my world as I discover who I am and what I stand for. Be prepared for a bumpy ride. I hope to leave this planet a better person and leave a mark and help others along the way. I don’t promise to do it the socially correct way. As I have discovered, I prefer to do things with a bang!